The art of remembering and forgetting.
What do you do when you’ve lost that loving’ feeling? Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why. Maybe you honestly admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were. Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now you take them for granted. What do you do now?
Here’s a statistic you might find interesting. According to the National Survey of Families and Households, 86% of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier. In fact, 60% of those who rated their marriage as unhappy and who stayed rated their same marriage “very happy” when reinterviewed five years later.
Starting over may very well be the answer to your marriage problems – as long as it’s with the same man!
“I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love”Revelation 2:4
Often along the way we lose that initial thrill of knowing Christ, the same happens with the love we have for our husbands. Our love can grow cold. Make a decision today to start over. We get so busy taking care of life, we forget to take care of love.
Maybe you have forgotten the thrill you felt when you first met your husband – the butterflies when he walked into a room, the heart-skipping flutter when he called on the phone, the tender wooing when you saw his name in your email in-box, the electricity of sexual desired stirred with a kiss. Between taking out the garbage, paying bills, driving the kids around, and folding the laundry, something got lost.
How do you get that feeling back? God gave the church two simple steps, and I believe we can apply them to marriage as well. “Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first” (Revelation 2:5)
- Remembering how is was in the beginning.
- Return and do the things you did at first.
Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place. Remember what made you laugh, what turned you on. Then try and find out what drew your hubby to you. What did you do back then that he is missing out on now.
C.S Lewis had this to say about forgiveness: “You must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your heart – every wish to humiliate or hurt him or to play him out. The difference between this situation and the one in which you are asking God’s forgiveness is this. In our own case accept excuses too easily; in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough. Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.”C.S Lewis
While there may be hundreds of things we need to remember, there are also many thing we need to forget. It’s difficult to romance your man if you have anger, bitterness, and resentment in your heart.
Forgiveness can be especially difficult when the one who hurt you is the man who promised to love and cherish you all the days of your life. But what is more difficult is to have the marriage of your dreams, without forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean you are turning a blind eye, problems need to be addressed for any marriage to survive. However, keeping a record of wrongs is like allowing termites to destroy the foundation of the marriage.
The first step to forgiveness is prayer.
Stormie Martian wrote: “Prayer is a gentle tool of restoration appropriated through the prayer of a wife who longs to do right more than be right, and to give life more than to get even.” Prayer may not soften your husbands heart immediately but it will soften the resentment in your heart.Stormie Martian
Paul wrote “One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (Philippians 3:14). Forgiveness is making a commitment to look forward and leave the past behind. This requires a refusal to bring up the offense that has already been forgiven. Forgiveness has little to do with what was done to us, and much to do with what we chose to do with it.
Today, remember what you need to remember and forget what you need to forget.
2 Week Challenge – Day 11
- Everyone loves a love story. At dinner tell your kids how the two of you met. Recall the day he asked you to marry him.
- Recall a list of firsts: First date, first kiss, first dance, and first time you met each other’s parents. Ask your husband what he remembers most about your wedding day, and honeymoon.
- Watch your wedding video, or go through some albums of vacations or memoriable moments.
Lord, remind me why I fell in love with my husband, help us to find that love again. Help me to see him the way You see him. Father show me if there are any areas that I still need to forgive my husband. Soften my heart and help me to forgive him daily. I pray this in Jesus name, AMEN.
Ons almal het 4 ‘basics needs’ en soos gewoonlik verskil mans en vrouens soos dag en nag. Kom gesels saam en vind uit wat maak jou gelukkig maar meer belangrik, wat maak jou maat gelukkig. Jou man her vervulling in die volgende afdelings nodig: Respek Seks Vriendskap Huishoudelike hulp
Ons almal trou met die idee dat ons huwelik prentjie mooi gaan wees, kom ons wees eerlik jy hou nie altyd van die prentjie wat jy gekies het nie.
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